Role reversal is never easy, particularly when it is with a parent. This is the person who taught you the values you have and helped sculpt you into the person you are today. However, there comes a time when you will see signs that make you ask, 'is it safe for mom to live alone?' Early memory loss or other physical frailties develop slowly and are often kept from you so you won't worry, but your clear judgment is needed to avoid a crisis…when life altering decisions have to be made quickly. If advising your parent is met with resistance there are many resources available to assist you. They made good decisions for you…now it is your time to do the same for them. We can help you, as we have others, who have faced this same dilemma.

Respite care can be an answer
'I don't want to leave my home' is often the plea we hear from prospective residents...whether it is the family estate of 50 plus years or the latest condo they have moved into - leaving home is always hard. Our experience shows us that others who have felt this same way are now raving fans of having made a change in lifestyle. They admit that they now feel safer, have a healthier diet, enjoy the social programs and outings we offer and have made meaningful friends. Loneliness and fear have been replaced with meaningful daily life and a sense of security. To help your loved one adjust to a change of living, we suggest a respite stay; sort of a trail run. It is just 3-5 days of going on vacation and then evaluating their experience. We have found that many resistant moms and dads are surprised at what a pleasant experience they have and can make the permanent move with less anxiety. Call us for more details about our day and overnight respite programs.

Is there a difference between normal aging and dementia? Yes, but it's not as clear and neat and pretty as we may like. Normal changes that happen when we age include getting slower, having trouble learning new things, finding words or thinking back into the past. To somebody on the outside, those things may feel like senior moments and some kid around about that, but in fact as we age we do slow down and it's much harder to do multiple things at a time or deal with things when we're stressed. We are more likely to hesitate or make mistakes if we are pushed and that makes people a little more resistant to wanting to do new and different things. Our brain can still learn, but it just takes a little more effort and work.

Not normal aging doesn't necessarily mean dementia. There are things in between that we want to watch out for and make sure we examine before assuming a person has dementia. One possibility is that the person may be experiencing a delirium, which is an acute, quick change in thinking. A delirium might be a sign of a medical condition getting out of control. It can be something as simple as a urinary tract infection or dehydration or as serious as little strokes in the brain. Medication error is also a possibility. A medication side effect or adverse interaction may cause a person to show symptoms of not normal aging. We also want to be on the lookout for the possibility of depression. A person that is experiencing depression for the first time often appears as though they may have dementia, but they don't. With medication, intervention, or therapy, the person can bounce back. We also want to watch out for hearing or vision changes that can mimic and look like dementia. In this case the person simply withdraws and becomes less competent because they can’t hear or can’t see well and no one picked up on it.

If we’ve checked everything out and it’s still not quite right, we might be looking at a dementia. This is complicated because it’s progressive, at least two parts of the brain involved and it’s not something we can fix. There are around 70 to 80 different types of dementia, so it’s not one size fits all. The most common is Alzheimer’s disease, but there are several others that are notable including various vascular dementias, Lewy Body dementia, frontal temporal dementias, dementia related to Parkinson’s disease and dementia associated with alcohol overuse. In this case, it is important to know more about the person and to screen for symptoms related to the various types of dementia. We want to make sure we’re not missing the early signs of the disease and also want to watch out for the onset of the disease. When someone moves into an Arbor community we do our best to screen and make sure we know what each person’s baseline is so we can pick up on symptoms of change sooner rather than later. We know that new environments can make even normal aging challenging and we might see some problems early on, but if they don’t resolve relatively quickly we may be more concerned and want to talk with family members about our observations. Hopefully this gives you some idea of the difference between normal aging and dementia. We know it’s a big, complicated topic, so if you have more questions, please ask!

Transitional care counselor
People diligently plan for every stage in life...preparing for college, getting married, the decision to have children, just to name a few. However, aging and the issues that occur with aging are topics of discussion often delayed until a crisis forces a family into action. Waiting for a crisis to occur is not the answer. It robs you of the time you need to educate yourself on living options and determine what is most appropriate for your parent or other loved one. We recommend taking a proactive approach to this important stage of life. Being proactive gives you the opportunity to visit assisted living communities, ask the right questions, and include your parent in the decision making process, if possible. If this sounds easier said than done, you are not alone. Talking with a parent about leaving their home and moving to an assisted living community can be an intimidating process. The good news is that there are resources designed to guide you every step of the way. We offer many valuable resources, one of which is working with Transitional Care Counselor, Nancy Kriseman. Arbor Terrace provides a complimentary one hour session with Nancy to share their situation and learn techniques that give them the courage to take the first step. If you see the writing on the wall and you know it’s time to take the first step, call us to learn more about these helpful resources.