Your parents have spent a lifetime together. They’ve probably weathered storms small and large and encountered challenges you may never even know about. They have made it through a lifetime together, and that matters. So when faced with the reality that their care needs are different, you may not know what to do. You don’t have to separate your parents, and in most cases you shouldn’t. Here’s what to do if your parents need different levels of care.
Relationships make life worth living. Parents who have a good marriage have supported one another for decades and know each other better than anyone else could. This alone is reason to keep them together. Emotional health matters, and the trauma of being away from a lifelong love may destroy a person’s quality of life.
Keeping your parents together also offers significant health benefits, including:
Even if they have dementia, your parents are not pets; you cannot separate them, send them wherever you want, and dictate how they live their lives. Your parents have a right to live life on their own terms, even if you disagree with their decisions. If they need different levels of care, odds are good that at least one of them is competent enough to make their own decisions. So it’s important to get buy-in for whatever decision you think is best. Rather than trying to argue with stubborn parents, don’t try to override their autonomy. Instead, work with them to solve the shared problem of staying together while getting the necessary support.
When talking to your parents about moving, a few strategies can help:
You probably already know that keeping your parents together is better for everyone. The challenge is finding a way to do it. One option is to keep them at home and hire in-home care for the parent with more complex needs. This can work for a while but may become quite expensive. You may also find that you’re taking on more care work than you can handle.
The good news is that many senior living communities integrate several levels of care under one roof. Your parents can enjoy independent living, assisted living, and even memory care within the same community. Not only does this allow them to stay together, but it also ensures that, even when both parents’ needs change, they can stay together and enjoy a continuity of care in the familiar community they call home.
The right senior living community can help your parents stay together and enjoy their shared life, even when their needs are different. Good communities understand that relationships give life meaning. They prioritize these relationships by giving both partners the care they need, even as those needs change. For help finding the right senior living community for when your parents need different levels of care, download our free guide, “Finding a Safe and Comfortable Senior Living Community.”