Video Transcription
Hello, everybody, and welcome in to Senior Living Live. My name is Melissa. Thank you so much for being with us. Well, the holidays, they are right around the corner. It is that time of year when we gather with friends and, of course, loved ones.
And if you have a senior in your life like I do, this is a great time to check-in with them and see just how they're doing. Just to look at Davidson, you see her there. She is of assisted living locators of West Columbus, Ohio. She is our guest presenter today, and she's going to give you a very, I would say, well rounded list of signs that your senior loved one may need additional help or support and ways that you could provide that support while honoring their safety and independence, which is what it's all about.
Jasilika will be available throughout our webinar here today to answer all of your questions you may have to help round out that list of items that you can take, when you visit your loved one for the holiday season. Now we expect this webinar to last about an hour, so everybody sit back and get settled in. And, of course, as always, we want you to be a part of the conversation. This will be a nice Q&A here today with Jasilika.
In order to do that, all you have to do is scroll down to the bottom of your screen where you see the Q&A button. Feel free to type your questions out there at any point in time. As we get started, you could start right now, and I will be happy to read those to Jasilika throughout the presentation, which we expect, again, to last about an hour. , it is so good to see you again.
We were trying to figure out the last time you were on with us. It's been a couple of years, but you're back. You look fantastic. We are so happy to dive into the knowledge that you have about this topic.
The webinar is all yours.
Thank you so much, Melissa, and welcome, everyone. Thank you so much for actually bringing this topic to the forefront. I think oftentimes families are trying to figure out how to navigate this journey of senior care and not knowing what to do and how to start the conversation, and that's where we'd like to begin today. The holidays, I think, are an opportunity for families to get together and love on and support each other, but it also provides a unique opportunity where we can pause.
And when I say pause, to take everything in in the environment, in the home, to see mom and dad or our loved one, our senior in our lives, to see them at home and their surroundings and pay close attention or observe. Right? And we're not going there, forcefully. We're going there with love just kinda pay attention and not even initially mentioning anything to them.
Just paying attention to the cues and then starting the conversation. So one of the things that you have to think about, as mom and dad are aging is their independence. They're wanting to be as independent as they possibly can be for as long as they can be. And then you go in to visit for holidays, whether it's Thanksgiving or upcoming Christmas and New Years, and you notice some changes in mom and dad.
And maybe mom and dad aren't really aware of the changes, but you start to notice things like a cognitive decline. And when you're thinking about a cognitive decline, a deficit, it may not be a diagnosis of a dementia, but it could be repetitiveness. So that means they're asking the same question over and over again. It could be that, typically, you travel with your husband and your adult child, and they keep asking over and over again, where is Bob?
I know he said he was coming. Where is Bob? And this is something you can continue to have this conversation with them and or you could be having a different a totally different conversation and they interject with that same question even though you have answered it repeatedly. Right?
And sometimes for a lot of children, this becomes annoying. I want you not to be annoyed by what they say. I want you to take a mental note that it continuously happens. Right?
And so that is something that later on and not necessarily in this moment so it's not a response of, mom, you just asked that question five minutes ago, or dad, you keep asking that same question. It is taking a mental note so that when you have an opportunity, all the people who are involved in the care and love and support of your loved one, you can take them to the side, and together, you can determine what the next step is and make sure that they are noticing the same thing at the same time. Oftentimes with children, three different children, three different locations, maybe one is close in proximity, maybe another is far away, or two other are two others are far away, what happens is they see a different parent.
Right? They see a different need or they may see mom and dad is is really independent, and you're just overreacting, and this is normal aging. Those are the things where you can talk offline to to discuss that in detail. The other thing with the cognitive piece, you have to think about if they're able to follow in the sentences.
Right? The flow of a conversation that you're having, are they following? Are they lost in the conversation? So those are, again, things that you have to take note of.
When you are in the environment, you're in the home and medication. Is medication organized? Are they taking it? Are are bottles full to capacity?
Will you know that they should be taking it regularly? And if you are the POA or the guardian and you have the knowledge of the regularity in which the medication is supposed to be taken as well as when it's prescribed, you're looking at things like, it doesn't appear that mom and dad are taking this medication. They're a little lost. Maybe this is, again, a mental note that you're taking, but that you wanna bring up later later on when you're talking to your siblings or the other loved ones in their lives.
In addition to that, you want to make sure that you're you're looking at physical safety. So when you're thinking about physical safety in the home, let's just imagine going into mom's home and you see that the hallway is loaded with a lot of different things.
Really, it's not a safe way for her or him, if it's your father, to walk safely in that environment. And so you're starting to wonder, like, okay. Why are all these things? And you ask the question.
Maybe there's confusion. Maybe there's a rhyme or reason for it, but I think it's important to dig down a little more or dig deeper a little bit more. But you also have to pay attention to the body. Right?
Is mom or dad surfing? So imagine when you have a little person, and the little person is first starting to walk.
I remember calling that cruising, and they're holding on to one piece of furniture to the next until they get their balance. As an aging adult, we don't call it cruising. We call it surfing. So they're surfing.
They're holding on because they're trying to maintain their balance. They're trying to prevent falls. Those are things that you have to think about. And notice that.
Take note of that mental notes, and it's a lot of mental notes that you're taking. And if it's easier for you to just grab a notebook without drawing too much attention to yourself, then you can do it that way. But noticing those things, also know it noticing the position of rugs. Is it a hazard, as far as walking is concerned?
Do you see bruises on them? So bruises can mean a couple of different things. Maybe they've fallen or they hit themselves. Those are things that we have to be aware of.
Those are the things that we have to think about because those are real things that happen each and every day as seniors are aging. And they don't necessarily say anything about it because, you know, it's just a little thing. It's not a really big thing. You're gonna make a big deal about it.
And I'm independent, and I just don't wanna talk about it. So those are things that we have to be concerned about, as well.
You also have to start taking a look at things like mail. Right? If mom and dad's mail is stacked up, bills are behind. We talked about the medication earlier as far as making sure the frequency, right, that they're taking it regularly on time correctly as well.
And noticing those those bills that are going unpaid. Having that as a mental note, but knowing that I need to revisit that at some time to have that conversation with my siblings. So we are constantly taking inventory of our environment on how they respond. Are they isolated?
Are they engaged with people? Are they going out to senior centers? Are they going out with friends? Are they eating, looking at the refrigerator?
Oh, we're here for Thanksgiving, but the refrigerator is empty. Why is the refrigerator empty? Because on a day to day basis, they need to have a meal. They need to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
And if they're not doing that for whatever the reason, we need to know. We need to understand why. Are you just going out to get dinner, yourself going through a drive through? What are we doing?
The other thing that I think we have to if mom and dad still have keys, if they're still driving, I think it's important to go on a ride with them, and it's easy for us as children to step in and say, I'll drive. You can just be the passenger. And that's always good. Right?
This that that gives them time with you, number one, because that's a time to, bond, but it also asserts their independence. However, I challenge you. I challenge you to, challenge them to drive, and you sit on the passenger side. And I'll give you an example.
My mommy who passed away, in twenty twenty two was driving. She had been diagnosed with diagnosed with Alzheimer's. We knew it. Everyone knew it.
And but she was still driving because it was safe for her to drive, at least we thought. There were times when she ended up in ditches. There were times when she went to the grocery store. And when she came back into the home, there not the home.
I'm sorry. The the car as a correction. Got back to the car from grocery shopping. She got in on the passenger side because she didn't even realize that she had gone alone.
Right? So she sat there for a long time and then finally called my sister. Right? And she called my sister because she realized, girl, I thought I thought I went in to the store with you, but you're not here.
And that didn't happen one time.
That happened multiple times. So those are things, that we have to keep in mind as we are loving on and supporting our families, for the holidays. And sometimes I think as children, and I'm guilty as well, I don't wanna see this. I can't believe it.
I just my mom's aging, my dad's aging, and they were my heroes. They still are my heroes. And something's just not right. I can't necessarily always put my finger on it.
I don't wanna talk about it, but it's necessary because not only will it make them feel safer eventually when you have that conversation, but also the safety of them in the home with them outside of the home, especially when you have something as big as a car over two tons. Right? And they are on the interstate or they're going through back roads and they end up in ditches like mommy ended up in a ditch and couldn't figure out, like, how she got there. But also driving, and in that moment, if there is a diagnosis, right, knowing when to remove those keys, knowing when to have that conversation out of love and out of respect.
So now you you know you've discovered some things about mom or dad that does not sit well with you.
They are alarming in a lot of different ways, but you don't wanna ruffle any feathers. Right? Because I think it's important to note that these are still your parents, and they still require and they should get because they deserve your respect. So you have to consider what your approach is and having the conversation with them.
And I think the biggest thing is after you decide to have a conversation with your siblings, you know, sometimes you're the only one. Maybe you're the only child, and that's a tough one when you're the only child having to take inventory of all of this and not having someone always who you can confide in and talk through this with.
But at some point, you have to figure out who your village is. Right? And so maybe it's a sibling of if you're if you're the only child, you have a sibling of one of your parents that can be involved. And this is where you start to have the conversation if they notice, hey, Aunt Jen. I just wanted to have a conversation with you. I've been enjoying time, spending time with mom and dad, and I kinda noticed that, mom is really forgetful. Have you noticed that?
And then this you know, Jen might notice it. Right? She's like, yeah. I'm with her, you know, quite often.
You know, oftentimes, she's not really involved in the conversation, maybe lost in the conversation. And other times, she's repeating herself over and over again. So her memory, I do see some things slipping. What are you thinking?
Right? So at that point, when you when you have someone else who sees what you see, it's validation. Right? It's confirmation that it's not just you playing your mind playing tricks on you and that you need to move in a way that honors them, but also gives the gives them the help and support that they need.
So at that time, you have to make appointments with primary care physicians, who can then refer you to a specialist.
And you share with them what's happening with mom and dad. Right? What is happening as far as cognitively or mobility or whatever the situation is, that's when you have the conversation. Now if you have a sibling and it is the holidays, since this is the topic, "home for the holidays" and what that can look like, I would not even recommend the whispering that goes on in homes, right, with your with your siblings and you're having this time, you're trying to talk about mom and dad and all the things you see.
I would recommend having a time for your siblings. Without mom and dad, even though you're spending a lot of time with them, you've been observant, with them, that you have a time for your siblings to just connect together. Maybe it's an outing, and you start to bring up to mention some of the things that they see, and hopefully, they are also taking those mental notes as well. And when they are taking those mental notes, you can compare what those look like.
And together, you should decide how to approach it. Right? I mentioned earlier that oftentimes when you have a lot of different siblings, you have a different version of the parent that you see. And it may be that one says, you're just overreacting.
This is normal aging. And so then we have to define what normal aging is. Right? What does that look like?
What does that look like? So we're starting the conversation.
And then once the conversation is is started, it could be that we're starting now, having the conversation so that we can figure out how we bring this up, mention it to mom and dad.
And once we decide on that, I think the biggest thing that you have to remember again is that they are still mom and dad. They still want their independence. It's obvious. They're not asking for help. So you really want to be solution based. You want to acknowledge what's important to them. So some families most families that I've run into, honestly, they don't wanna move until it's crises.
So they wanna remain at home and be as independent as they can for as long as that they can be. And you have to have options for both, and you have to talk through it. And when you're talking to mom or dad or whoever the senior is, my recommendation would not be, you are doing this, and it's not safe, and you can't live like this. The approach should be: hey, mom, hey, dad, I love you. I noticed some changes. And I wanna see if these are things that maybe you've noticed.
How do you feel? What do you think? Have you planned?
Now, what I'm learning is there are a lot of families who do a lot of planning for this moment. Right? And then there are families who do no planning. I always call this in between.
I did a TED talk on this. It's called the in between. So imagine the years after retirement but before death. The in between is that line where, okay.
So I've retired. Maybe I'm enjoying grandkids. Maybe I'm doing traveling. My body starts to change.
My mind starts to change, and I need to have a plan of action for what next steps would be. Right? And so there are a lot of families that do plan. They have long term care insurance.
They have VA aid in attendance. They have retirement. They have savings. And they already know in the event that something happens, and some even have picked out that senior living community.
This is what I wanna do in the event that something happens. However, I don't wanna rush it if I don't need it. Right? And so having those conversations are hard, but they are necessary conversations.
Letting them know, I noticed that, you know, you're surfing. And they're like, surfing? What do you mean? I'm not near ocean.
What do mean surfing? And so you had started start explaining that terminology, what that looks like. I noticed that you have a lot of things in the hallway. I'm worried about you falling.
I noticed some bruises on you.
Again, this is not an opportunity to blame anyone. This is so we can come together collectively, share what we see in the most respectful way, and then get what their thoughts are, and then form a plan together. Now sometimes, especially when you're talking about things like finances. Right?
If you're anything like my parents, nobody wants to talk about their finances. They don't wanna share that information with you.
And maybe because they haven't planned or maybe they just feel like it's none of your business. And whatever it is, I think you have to treat it with respect and love and consideration and putting yourself in their shoes and just guiding them, but also hearing what they say, listening, not just hearing, listening to what they say so that they know that they have, 100% have a part in this. This is not something that you as children, unless it's totally unsafe and you have guardianship and you have medical POA and all the things are put in place, that need to be said and it needs to be it's a must. Right? It's necessary. But we want to obviously share our concerns and share our thoughts about where they are and how we can best support them. Melissa?
Yeah. I, I'm wondering, you know, some of the things that you talked about are are somewhat noticeable. Right?
The the memory loss, that the surfing, as you mentioned, the physical.
That you can kinda see from maybe visit to visit.
This is starting to decline a little bit. But I'm wondering if there's anything that people can add to this list that maybe is sort of a little bit more hidden that if you're not really paying attention or you don't visit that often or maybe you do visit often because you see it and it's, you know, it's happening daily, it's kind of not noticeable, that maybe people should be aware of. And in this case, I'm talking about, you know, signs of depression or isolation or things that could, really become problematic if it doesn't get attention.
Yeah. No. And there are absolutely signs, or things that you don't see right away, and it could be that they're withdrawn. And oftentimes, what I found out, usually, if someone is withdrawn, especially if they were social before, what I've experienced and what I've seen in my seven years of being and doing assisted living locators is that usually there is a cognitive piece there that something's happening. And imagine something about your body, and I like to even share "Still Alice". I don't know if anyone's watched that or read the book or listened to the audio.
It is phenomenal that she could notice in her own brain something was happening, but she couldn't put a finger on what it was that was happening. So oftentimes, the senior, him or herself, kinda knows, but they don't know, if that makes sense. And so when you know, but you don't know and it it took and in the story is "Still Alice." It took the daughter who was away in college, who was able to pick up on things, those silent things, those behaviors that no one who was in close proximity, not even her husband, was able to notice.
And she was diagnosed with early onset, Alzheimer's. So if this person regularly attended church and they just stop all of a sudden going to church, you know, the the church ladies talk. They wanna know where she is. They're probably reaching out to a child saying, "hey,
I hadn't seen mom in months." You walk in. Of course, these are things you can see. The house is filled with clutter.
The refrigerator is empty. They're losing weight as well, and you're trying to figure out why are you losing so much weight because mom had an appetite. But the thought of trying to figure out and make a decision of what do I eat?
How do I prepare? I can't even turn on the microwave nor can I start a stove? Right? So making sure that those silent things, those things necessarily that you don't see you see the change in the body, you see the change in the mental, but maybe you attribute it to early aging. Maybe you still are unaware because no one you know, I don't I don't even she has no children that live close by. And so you're relying on friends to tell what's normal for mom, what's normal for for dad, and you hope that you have a relationship with them that they can clue you in as to what's happening.
So then on the back end, if, something is happening or it's clear that something's not right and maybe you're not getting clear answers. Here's the problem I think a lot of people run into. You know? They live far away. They come in for a week. They've got, like, a week off, and they take that for the holidays. They go and they go visit, and then they gotta go back to work.
And nothing really got resolved or solved or, you know, you're just scratching the surface of what, you know, needs to happen potentially for your your elderly loved one.
When we talk about game planning, right, and getting that knowledge and then making a game plan, can you sort of take the viewers from that point on so that it's not kind of being swept under the rug and that their elderly loved one is getting the attention that they need?
Absolutely. I think that what we have to realize is when we're coming together collectively, we're having those conversations, Melissa. We are forming a dream team for mom and dad. Right?
And we realize, I realize that each child, if you have several adult children, might take on different roles and different responsibilities. I believe if you can to divide and conquer. Right? No one, as easy as it can be, it is exhausting to be the only one involved.
Right? And I know that sometimes you have a leader in the family. Right? And and this person naturally wants to do it, not understanding the weight of having to take on all of the responsibility. So what I would suggest is that in that dream team, we just we determine what part everybody plays. Right?
If, who's scheduling doctor's appointments?
Who is speaking to an elder law attorney going through the financials? Is there a POA, a financial POA? Is there a medical one? If we're gonna start looking for assisted living communities or memory support, who's gonna take the lead on something like that? Obviously, there are people like me that do what I do and and do it really well that can come in and be a part of that team. And you can have an elder law attorney who's a part of that team, and you can have a financial planner who's a part of that team.
Everyone has his or her parts, and we all have regular communication. Sometimes that's via text. Sometimes that's via email. Sometimes we're on a group call, and it could be something like a Zoom session.
Right? Each week on a Monday, we're gonna come together. We're gonna talk about the progress that we've made so far and what next steps are. Right?
But we have to have a goal in mind. We have to be able to listen to each other and not over talk one another and understand that everyone brings something valuable to the table. And that, together, we can make this process a lot easier where no one's having to carry all of the weight. Now it does get trickier when you are the only child.
Right? The hope is that you do have an aunt or you do have an auntie and that you have resources who can help you navigate this time and this journey because it is a lot. I talk to families all day long and sometimes in tears and sometimes frustration. They have a roller coaster of emotions as they should.
And then they have someone like me, and this is not a plug for me to be very clear, who comes in and adds peace in the midst of chaos because we do the things that you can't necessarily do. Right? So while you're at work and you're attending to the things that you need to attend to and you're taking care of kids and your husband and your home, we're doing all the things. We're planning, we're planning tours, planning scheduling tours.
We're touring with families. In addition to doing that, if you need to and you give us permission, we can reach out to those doctor's offices on your behalf. We can connect you with elder law attorneys. We are going to stay on to you about getting any information that we need because there are some pieces of the puzzle that only you have.
And if only you have that information, I want to make sure that you get it. So oftentimes, you know, we're looking for health and physical. We're looking for progress notes. We're looking for diagnoses.
We're wanting to know about long term care insurance. We're wanting to know about the financial piece. Right? We and then we can also go and visit mom because or dad.
Because sometimes it may mean that you need someone who's already in this field who can maybe pick up things that maybe you wouldn't have noticed. And then we can come back and have those conversations too. "Hey, I stopped by to see mom and dad, and let me tell you what I noticed."
And oftentimes when you do have a husband and wife, it might be that there's a deficit in both of them. There's a decline in both of them, but it may be in different areas. And together, they're a whole person. And so they're doing well together, but individually, and the fact in the event that dad falls and he ends up in the hospital or mom ends up in the hospital, those are things you have to worry about. And that's where the conversation, starting early provides options. Starting late is a crisis.
So, yeah, let's talk a little bit more about what you do. And, you know, we mentioned at the top of the the broadcast that you, are in Ohio.
So let's talk about what you do. Let's talk about how people in Ohio can reach you, but then we have people from all over that they can receive sort of the same type of service that you provide.
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for asking. So, as mentioned, I own a franchise. It's actually a placement agency.
So I help families navigate the senior care journey and how, tumultuous that can be, how overwhelming that can be. So typically, families call me or rehabs or hospitals refer me to families, and I go through what I call "discovery." And what "discovery" looks like for me is I'm simply having a conversation with your loved one. I'm getting to know them or the POA or guardian depending on how the situation is, and each family is different.
And I'm getting to know who they are and who they were before the diagnosis, who they were before the fall, understanding what their needs are, their peer needs are, understanding the budget. So that's where I'm digging a lot deeper if they were a veteran, thanking them for their services. I'm a veteran myself, so I understand the act of serving and the sacrifices that were made. In addition to that, I am learning about the financial, the, retirement, Social Security, savings, location preference as well.
I'm doing all of that work and and having conversations with them. It can last about thirty minutes to an hour.
From there, my team and I get quick to work, fast to work, and we start looking at communities that fit the need. And what I have to explain to everyone, there's no one size fits all community.
It really just depends on you, and it depends on what your needs are. I like to look at the culture of the community. I like to look at the reputation. Are they a five star community, a three star?
What do they do well? Do they do, levels of care well? That means independent living, assisted living, memory care. Is it a continuing care retirement community?
And so I gather all that information, schedule the tours, and then I go on tours with the family. During this time, before the tour, we're in constant communication. So imagine me texting them, "hey, Jeff. I'm just sending you a message confirming our tour. Also wanted to know if you're okay. How's mom and dad doing? Is it okay for me to drop by?" Right?
Just to take a look and and listen to them. So we are looking and we're listening. Right? We're learning everything we can about them.
And then, if they say it's okay, I go meet them in person.
Sometimes family members are there, sometimes they're not. It's just me and the wife or me and or the husband and wife or me and the mom or me and the dad, whatever the situation is. And then, depending on the family, sometimes they want me to pick them up, and I pick them up and then transport them to the community for a tour. And then other times, they meet me there.
I've already contacted the community. They know we're coming. We've scheduled a time. We go to the community.
I always tell my families to pay attention to, you know, their senses, you know, sense of smell, taste, touch, hearing, all those things because you have to be observant in a community. Right? I like to make sure that seniors are being spoken to in a way that's respectful, that you're talking to them and not at them because they are people who have needs and, voices should be heard and feelings should be considered. So I do all of that, and then I match them to the community.
So we've already gone on tours. I usually try to narrow it down to three tours because, honestly, it's very overwhelming to families this whole process. My services are free. I like to be very transparent to to families saying communities do pay me a referral fee, very similar to a real estate agent at closing.
But what you'll find from my reviews and my relationships with families would be that I'm not obligated to any community. My obligation is always to the family first, and I call it heart work. There have been families that I place them and I love on them, and they're like, "hey, Jasilika. I don't need you again. We're good from here."
And then there are families that I'm invited to birthday parties and Christmas parties and weddings and funerals. Right? And so that's what you get when you're working with someone like me.
And as a franchise owner, I can place anywhere in the United States so you don't have to worry about looking for someone like me. I am her.
Yeah. And when we're talking about that kind of help, are there places out there that you know of? You don't have to list them all, but are there places that people can go to where if they perhaps are in a certain salary bracket or not salary because they're retired most likely at that time, but if they're in a certain range for what they can afford or what they have monthly, Are there services out there that can help somebody like that?
Yeah. So I try when I say let me just say this: So this is where education about communities and senior care is really important, and that's what I do. So, obviously, we wanna look at the financial.
That's why I went through "discovery." I'm gathering as much information as I possibly can. Sometimes after "discovery," I learn a little bit more just because, you know, maybe the the son who is the financial POA has a little bit more information to give me. Right?
And so when I'm looking at communities, I'm looking at communities based on care. That's important. Reputation, costs, so price point as well because we know everybody can't afford everything. That's why you have even, in in regular life.
We have different neighborhoods and different types of affordability and all the things. Right? And we have communities that might require private pay initially, but after a certain period of time, they can kick in into the Medicaid waiver. And so that's that's why it's important to have those ongoing conversations about the financials as well as, the resources.
I mentioned an elder law attorney earlier. Elder law attorneys are amazing because what they're helping you to do is to protect assets. Sometimes the family say or seniors say, "I don't wanna give I don't wanna have to sell my home. I wanna leave it for my loved one, because I want them to have it.
I have too many memories, so I don't wanna give it up." And so that's where an elder law attorney comes in and does all the magic that an elder law attorney does to make sure that those are protected. Right? Sometimes what happens, and I've seen this happen too, maybe dad requires a lot of, care and mom wants to stay independently at home.
So dad goes into to home I'm sorry, into a community, and mom is still in the house managing the things that need to happen at the house. And the elder law attorney makes sure because it appears, and I put that in quotation marks, that dad will probably, his life will end prior to mom's based on health, right, the status he is and currently in. And so what they do is they protect those assets for mom, and make sure that dad has the care that he needs right now. Then there's Central Ohio, CO, area on aging, COAAA.
And what that does too is so if we start talking about the Medicaid waiver, all those pieces of the puzzle. So that's, I can guide you through that, give you the contact number as well, so that you have this information. And that's what I love about what I do. I think people think that we are just placement agents.
Right? And that's largely that's how we get paid. We get paid through placements, and that's just the truth. However, it's so much more that we do.
There's so many different layers. And if you do your job and you do your job well, you wan make sure that families have the resources that they need. You want to connect them to the right, organizations, the right support, the right company so that they can get everything that they need to make the best educated, most informed decision, and you can be right there with them, guiding them through the process.
And you sort of touched on, some of the misconceptions, right, about what to do. What are some other misconceptions that you find?
And, the second half of that question is more looking into cost. You've mentioned Medicaid a few times. What coverage can someone expect with Medicaid or with Medicare, if any, as it results to the services that you provide?
Yeah. So Medicare is, and so I'll just in case I missed one of the questions, I'm gonna start with the last one just because it's spreadsheet. But the Medicare usually is gonna cover that skilled care. So when you're thinking about skilled care, time at a rehab.
Right? You just left the hospital. The recommendation is that you go into a rehab for x amount of days, depending on your progression, and so you go there. During that time, you are so it's gonna cover your stay there.
In addition to your stay, you have therapies that you can get as well. So in the event that you need speech therapy, occupational therapy, or physical therapy, that is also covered up under your Medicare. Sometimes people have secondary insurances as well. I'm not an expert in Medicare.
I won't pretend to be, and that's why I depend on experts.
I have people who work with me that I trust who are experts in that, and I always rely on them to guide me.
It's convoluted.
Yes. Yes. Absolutely. And as far as Medicaid is concerned, so there are two different types of Medicaid waiver waivers that exist, and one is for skilled.
Right? So that means your care is so high, the need is so high that maybe you need to be in a skilled setting. So skilled settings can handle that higher level of acuity, and so you get a Medicaid waiver specifically for the skilled care. But it also applies to assisted living.
And in order for you to qualify for an assisted living Medicaid waiver, you have to be able to you have to be be able to meet the requirements. And so the requirements mean that you have to have or need assistance with your activities of daily living. We refer that refer to that as ADLs. So that could be you need help bathing, you need help with medication management, you're fall risk, and so you need someone to kinda help you maneuver.
You need help toileting. You need help dressing, to name a few. Right? So those are things you might need help eating, that specifically the Medicaid waiver would cover.
But that is also a financial requirement, so you can't have a lot of money and go and get a Medicaid waiver. Now you can plan to spend down. And depending on the community, right now in Central Ohio, there are some communities that will say six months. There are some that will say twelve.
There will there are some that will say twenty four. And that's where you connect with someone like me or an elder law attorney who has the knowledge and will tell you specifically, "hey. These communities, this does not apply for these communities. These are only private pay, but these are the list of communities that require, that have the Medicaid waiver and that would be good for mom or dad as you know, when they spend down.
OK. And the first half of that question about misconceptions.
You know, I think oftentimes the misconception is and this is what I hear a lot, they think, unfortunately and I think that we have to do a lot better as a government taking care of our seniors, and this is not a political statement. Let me be very clear. Oftentimes, families think that just their insurance is gonna pay for them an independent living.
Well, first of all, that's not gonna happen unless you have long term care insurance, and that's not for independent living. That's for assisted living and memory care. Right? And so they believe that all their insurances are going to pay.
And so imagine mom and dad are at the point where they need help. They need assistance, and they didn't plan at all. So it is a crisis, but they need the care. And they think because they have this insurance, Medicare, that automatically they can move into a community and they're gonna be good.
And then I have to be the bearer of bad news, right, and share the truth about it. And, it's misunderstood because you think I guess you see here that part care, and you're just thinking, "Yeah! Yeah. This, we're we're good," and that's not the the case.
So you have to figure out in those instances where they haven't planned, do they qualify for Medicaid? Sometimes families make too much to qualify for Medicaid right away, and so you do have options when that happens that, that COAAA can can, you know, tell you how to navigate.
But there are things like that. But then also, we have to determine if they are a veteran, you know, at what time did they have service? Maybe it's some VA aid in attendance that they can access, but that is also dependent on your financial piece. And so you have to consider that too.
So just because you were a veteran and you served during the time of war doesn't automatically make you eligible. Right? Because some people have too many assets and make too much and all those things. So those are things that we have to consider as well.
Yeah. Got it. Yeah. There's a lot there. And with the, Aid & Attendance and the veterans benefits, we've done multiple webinars, with Emily who, is with, Aid & Attendance, and it is it's pretty cut and dry.
If you listen to the the webcast, it's pretty cut and dry. You know, if you have served, and then there's the time periods. And once you hear her sort of lay it out, then it's like, "oh, okay. I can get this."
Or, "oh, I cannot get this." But then if you can get it, that's probably the first phone call you wanna make is to to her group, certainly to get those benefits.
Yeah. And then what I wanna also say with Aid & Attendance, we may have some veterans on here who are like, "oh my goodness. This is a reaction."
This is, that's a process. So anytime that you are reaching out to the VA, I know that we work with elder law attorneys here who will actually go in and do the paperwork for you. It's not as soon as you you send the application. It's an automatic thing.
They're gonna go and make sure all the the financial piece, all the things, if you really qualify. There's a lot of pieces to that, and sometimes it can also be very lengthy. And when it's lengthy, especially when there's a crisis, so it's urgent that we move really quickly, you have to start thinking, okay. Where can we get this money from?
Where can we get this money? Are all the children's gonna are all the children going to come together and pull their finances together as well as, you know, your parents' retirement or Social Security? What is going to happen there? Now the good thing about the VA, if you are approved, they will do what is called a back pay.
So they will pay you for from the date you filed if mom and dad is in an assisted living, you know, community at that time, they will back pay. So that's always good information.
Yeah. That is, very good information to know. The one question we did have come in was while you were describing, what you do, and somebody asked if they could share a link for the website to find resources that were just shared. So you shared some resources.
Is there any way or or can you maybe think of some websites or places off the top of your head that you could rattle off for our viewers here today. If not, we could maybe compile something on the back end. Just so everybody knows, you're gonna get a copy of this webinar to the email you used to sign up for today's webinar starting tomorrow. We could add those resources to that list. But, Jasilika, can you think of anything that, off the top of your head, resource wise, that you can send our our viewers to?
So I could absolutely send mine are gonna be more local based. So it just depends on where you're located. Right?
So I have a list that I share with families that I'm happy to provide to the team so that you have it, and it can be available to families to look at. Now the great news about this resource is this:
In the event that it's not local for you, contact these people anyway. They may have they may be a franchise like me. Right? Or elder law attorneys, you know, if you're using an elder law attorney, they know other elder law attorneys, and they know them throughout, you know, the US. And so I would trust the ones that I have on my list that we've compiled as a team because I know who they are, and I know what they stand for. And I hope that the reputation of those that they would recommend would be the same.
Yeah. Because it will be different state by state, certainly.
It would be. It would be.
They're they're, licensed practice in that particular state. Okay. We are, winding down towards the back half of this webinar. I've got about maybe a little less than ten minutes left for your questions if you wanna get them in about anything that we've discussed here today, whether it's you're propelling that list now, ready for your holidays with your loved ones, or you have more information about the services that Joslica and others around the country like her provide, this is a good time to get those questions in.
As we do wind down, I mean, you mentioned your own mother, so you've obviously you know, you've been there, done that. You've had these experiences. Right? Yeah.
Is there anything you could take from that experience that you had firsthand that you can maybe share with our viewers today that you wish maybe you could have done a little bit differently?
You know, listen. When mommy was first diagnosed, I wasn't actually in the senior care space. And so, that was a scary time not knowing, and, really, she's my why. That's why I landed here, and that's why I do what I call the "heart work" because this is matters of the heart.
I think the most important thing is to be present to be present with your loved one. And presence doesn't necessarily have to be physical presence. Right? Emotional presence is really important, to to love on them, to let them know that you're there if they have any questions. Fear is a real thing as you're aging.
It's a real thing. And so we need to acknowledge that it's okay to feel what you feel. Those feelings are valid. But I want to assure you you're not doing this alone.
Right? And that's where that dream team comes into play and recognizing that this is hard for them even though it's hard for you. I think we consider it, and I consider it as parenting your parent. And your parent never wanted to be here.
They never wanted to be here in an the capacity of you having to tell them and suggest and make these recommendations of what care. They really wanted to parent you, and they wanted to age and age gracefully and all those things, and now something has changed. And what independence they have feels like it's slipping away from them.
Don't rob them of their independence. Independence, we just wanna give you more care, more attention, more support, more guidance, be that ear to listen, the hand to guide, take time to spend time with them, not just the holidays. I know it's easier said than done because your lives are busy. My life is busy.
And and knowing that time goes by really fast, and they're here today, and they're gone tomorrow, and what do you have to remember them? I say take those pictures when you're with them in their presence. Take those pictures, create those memories, cook with them, you know, learn about your history. All those things are really important, and I know that this might not be the best way or maybe not the answer people would have expected from me.
But family is really important to me, and those memories are really important. And when mom or dad or whomever the loved one is, if it was an auntie or a godmother who raised you, when they're gone, what do you have left? Obviously, they live inside of you, but you have memories. You have those pictures, those keepsakes.
I started, like, sending, handprints to my my of my children to in creating photo album books or those, picture books is what I started to do. I also have an idea this year, getting with my family, us all preparing meals together and putting recipes with pictures, of us creating those memories together. Because what happens when they pass away? The recipe goes.
We trying to figure out what was that special ingredient. Whatever they are interested in, try to do it with them. Right?
Share your day with them. They wanna know, especially when they are living alone. If you have a mom that's just living or a dad that's just living and you worry about that isolation, they get really excited to hear about the details of your day. Regardless of how small and insignificant it may seem to you, it is the the height of their day. It is so exciting for them to hear it, and also to be a part of it.
Yeah. And then just like when you were young, you know, to if you have issues, I mean, you say, "well, I don't wanna bring these issues." They may wanna help you work through it and then feel good that they can make you feel better on the back end of it. So, you know, it is all about spending that quality time.
And then it's we when we think about the hard things that we have to do to get to this point to make sure that the care is there, you know, make sure the care is there and then move on and, you know, try to limit you know, there there's some anxiety. There's potential, like, head butting, and it's just is this gonna matter six months from now? Really good question to ask. If not, sometimes just let it go.
Yeah. I agree. Like, you know, we have to pick and choose what's important. Absolutely. And so going back and forth, no. We don't need to do that.
No. And and, again, as you said, you're here today, gone tomorrow, and always sort of that forward thinking that if that's the last conversation I have with my loved one, you know, was it a good one? It's another day to kinda look at it. So, you know, this is so timely. Again, it's for the holidays, but it's really something we could be doing all year round To ensure that our elderly loved ones are receiving the best support from us that they can possibly receive. And then we have people just like you out there when we are short on the tools to do that to help us get from point A to point B. So once again, the title of, your, your position, your job, and then what what people can find it under, and if they Google it around the country.
Yes. So, as mentioned, I'm Jasilika Davidson. I own Assisted Living Locators of West Columbus, but I serve Central Ohio. Because I am a franchise owner, I can place anywhere throughout the United States.
So you never have to do this alone. My services are free. If you Google me, you're gonna see reviews, from families that I've had the honor of working with, some that I'm still in contact with. Again, you do have the families that will forever be in contact with me because that's just the nature of our relationship.
And some say, "thank you, Jasilika. I appreciate you, and I don't need you until I need you again." So it just depends on that situation. My contact number, again, is 614-347-6140.
You can find me on Facebook. However, I don't really do a lot on my business page, if I can be honest. I also have a TED Talk that I did back in 2022 that I can also send to the team and share. It talks about the in between.
It brings it has pictures and a whole presentation because that's what's required for the TED Talk. Some of the things that I've experienced and my sister experienced with my mommy as well as some of the encounters I've had with other families and how they've navigated the space without releasing their names, of course.
Because this is this can be a lonely journey, but, you know, what you need to know is that you are not alone at all. If you have aging parents, your friends do, and sometimes you don't talk about these things until you have to talk about it. But always find a way to have the conversation to with people that you trust, people that you can depend on, but also with your family members. That's really important. And to connect with mom and dad as often as you can to make sure that they know how much you love them and how much you need them and reflect on those memories of growing up. They'd love that.
Yeah. It was so good to have you back on the program. I know it's been a while. Hopefully it won't be so long the next time we see you again.
But I hope not. Yes. Fantastic guest to to round out, 2025, another edition of Senior Living Live. Jasilika, thank you so much for being with us.
Thank you for having me.
Thank you. Now if you enjoyed this webinar with Jasilika, we've got more just like this one on our website. It's www.seniorlivinglive.com. There you can find our videos all about senior living, and the best part, you can watch them anytime.
They're on demand, and they are all free. Happy holidays to all of you. Thank you so much for being with us. Have a great day, everybody.
Happy holidays.